X's For Eyes – No Stars Tonight album review by Mark Jenkins.Brutal Commerce-Metal!!.
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X's For Eyes – No Stars Tonight album review by Mark Jenkins.Brutal Commerce-Metal!!.
Holy shit, this is brilliant.X's For Eyes just dropped the most unhinged concept album of the year, and it's absolutely exceptional. No Stars Tonight takes the most venomous one-star consumer reviews you've ever seen and transforms them into pure amplified chaos.
Forget pretentious concept albums about dragons or whatever. These madmen grabbed real customer complaints—think "this allergy medicine destroyed my sinuses" and "my air fryer nearly burned down my house"—and turned them into crushing metal anthems. It's genius in its simplicity and brutal in its execution.
This isn't your typical metal album. X's For Eyes combines noise, sludge, grind, and electronic elements into a blender and produces a puree. The result? Tracks like "Nose Ripped Off, Eyes Gouged Out" and "Uncooked Bacterial Fuck-Fest" sound exactly as violent as their titles suggest.
The band calls it "commerce-metal" or "review-core," and honestly, those made-up genres fit perfectly. This is what capitalism sounds like when it's fucking screaming at the void.
It's funny as hell. Taking Meredith's (insert a Karen you have witnessed and you'll get the vibe) meltdown when she picks up her specs and turning it into a droney, noisy industrial death classic? Peak comedy.
It's genuinely angry. Behind the humour is real frustration with our broken consumer culture, and that anger bleeds through every distorted riff.
It's completely original. When's the last time you heard something this weird that actually worked?
Put on your headphones. Follow the lyrics and gaze into the wild artwork, or watch the messed-up videos(highly recommended). Let yourself get buried in what the band describes as "toxic garbage"—because that's exactly the point. But as per our review of their last album, In Horrid Waves, there is so much more than unhinged noise and aggression here. This is a clever, well-written and chaotic masterpiece.
No Stars Tonight is the album you didn't know you needed. It's chaotic, hilarious, and surprisingly cathartic. If you're tired of the same old metal formulas, this is your antidote.
Rating: An absolute must-listen for anyone who's ever wanted to scream at customer service or the corporate mega gods. FIVE BRUTAL STARS FOR NO STARS TONIGHT BABY!!!
Out July 2, 2025:
(Pre-order the album and the T-shirt.)
Get antisocial:
and watch this (contains guest Frank Grudge vocals):
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